I wish I was a more patient mother. Patience is a wonderful trait that I don't possess in spades. And my 2 (almost 3 year old) was put on Earth to test my patience. Some days I fail, some days I don't. And within each day, I have winning moments and moments when I fail miserably. I am realizing that motherhood is like a roller coaster in that way. You have super highs and super lows - some that are only separated by mere seconds. I am guessing in retrospect that you hope to reach the middle ground. That the good outweighs the bad. That the hugs, laughter, kisses, dancing, ice creams, cuddles, book -reading, tear-wiping, secret jokes, special adventures make a stronger imprint on your daughter's being than that nasty, impatient person you become when she stabs her baby sister with a fork or simply can't help herself when it comes to drawing in crayon all over the television. I am glad she is smart and clever and independent and strong-willed. I wouldn't trade her, even on our toughest day, for anyone else in the world. But there are days, like today, when Daddy has gone away on business and I am running a zone defense that I wish more for myself and more for her. But then, our last words to each other tonight, every night, are "I love you" and "I love you too" and I realize that this ride has only just left the station and we have, god willing, a long ride ahead of us. and as long as we are in the same cart, headed in the same direction, holding hands, I know we will be okay.
I'm glad I'm not alone with those kind of feelings. There are days I swear I don't have a patient bone in my body!
ReplyDeleteI try to start each day saying to myself I'm going to make the decision to roll with it and be patient - it's not all that simple most of the time. My husband is gone a bunch of the time too - long hours and overnights - just know you're facing the same thing that a lot of us out there are. Our situations seem very similar to me except I'm not dealing with the ups and downs of two girls in a foreign country. I give you a ton of credit - you are doing awesome!
ReplyDeleteThat was a very very sweet post. Definitely soul mate single mamas this day. Highs and lows separated by mere seconds is exactly right. I'm with you on this.
ReplyDeleteyou have a beautiful way with words. I am so glad I found your blog. And I too understand where you're coming from; what parent doesn't? Lately my patience has been so thin, and I just try to start anew whenever I can- after nap, if before nap was tough, in the morning, if yesterday night was tough, whatever it takes. hang in there.
ReplyDeleteI love this picture, by the way. It's my new wallpaper on my laptop. :)
ReplyDeleteI love you. This post made me cry and long for your wisdom in person. It also made me love my mom even more (which seems impossible) for doing that all by herself for 30 years and counting...
ReplyDeleteA & A are remarkably lucky to have such a reflective role model in you...